I received the most heart warming letter from a survivor of trauma this week. I asked permission to share – and Taryn kindly consented. I hope that this will inspire others to share the content here – and direct those in the shadows of silence to this “safe” resource.
Dear Dr.Tama Lane,
Thank you for creating such a beautiful site! It is so needed and so appreciated.
As a survivor of childhood rape, there was a period during my healing that these videos and services would have been a lifesaver. Literally.
Whether one is dealing with a suppressed memory reemerging or beginning to deal with events they have known about all along, I imagine the urge to investigate and understand this newly unearthed world of rape and trauma is a strong pull for many women, as it was for me. By that I mean being immersed in hours of research via internet, books, testimonials, etc. However, the more I researched, the darker things became. The vast majority of information focused on hardship. It was really difficult to find any positive stories. I read case after case of one story more depressing than the last. Addiction, promiscuity, abusive relationships, severe anxiety, PTSD and so on. At one point I felt like this act of violence was a lifelong sentence that I would have to serve.
I remember googling for survivor’s stories in which the women thrived. I became panicky when each story kept leading back to the same negative forecast. Distraught by this, I cried to my amazing Jungian therapist. She warmly told me to not keep doing damage to myself by staying up late and reading those things. She urged me to stay with the work she and I were doing together. That was the best advice; to piece together my own healing journey protected from the world’s tales.
While they were few and far between, I really appreciated women like Oprah and Maya Angelou who had spoken so openly about their experiences. To see them confident, happy and thriving gave me hope. To see real women on your site at that time would have been a grace.
Today, years past the time I’ve spoken about, I have gotten to that happy state too. I wish that women could know how many survivors there are right beside them, probably in plain site. It’s not stories of success you often hear because they are the women busy living normal and fulfilling lives. It is just amazing that you are taking real women and shining the light on their brilliance in this way.
So how do I feel about that attack and my trials today? While I wouldn’t go so far as to say they are a gift, it has however given me the deepest empathy to be able to hold space for the healing of all sorts of wounds in all sorts of people. It’s rid me of naivety and perched me on post as a type of lifeguard on the look out for those criminals hanging around the children of today. I’ve developed a deep, invincible strength and willingness to speak out against injustices of all sorts. But beyond all, going through years of therapy has helped me accept me for me. To walk into a room as one’s full-self is the best gift in the world. I guess that is something that most anyone would wish for.
For any woman who is in the midst of slaying this dragon, I hope they understand I that there is a life to be lived after all this. No matter how dark it may seem, the light will come. I know this to be true. It’s the act of making good choices for oneself, staying close to healing women and for goodness sakes choosing to turn away from dark internet reading! I hope they can listen and learn from the women who have walked this path through your videos and your site. These women have that sparkle in their eye. It’s often right there waiting on the other side of the darkest night.
Again many, many blessings and thanks for doing this work Tama.
I wish you much success.